girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize