Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
