Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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