Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
