to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
