just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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