if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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