That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
