I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Randomize
