This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
