Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
