My first STD was from a foam party
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
