I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
