I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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