Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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