I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
