The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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