One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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