how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
