sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
