I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
