i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
