You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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