Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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