i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
