im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
MIDGETS
????
I just want to make out with him forever
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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