I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
