Yo dont text me then not text me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
