I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
