What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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