I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
