He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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