your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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