Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize