normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
