You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We need to get me chipped asap
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
