Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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