last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
