At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
