Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
