Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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