he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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