My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
