Duck Duck Cougar?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Life without a bra equals bliss.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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