Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
