You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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