im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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