you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sorry about my life...
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
