Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
