Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
