They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
