Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
