i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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