And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
