chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
