So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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