I cockslap morals
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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