Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
