I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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