I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
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I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
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Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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