I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
