I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
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We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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