You can't special order awesome
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
